This is the dilemma of all who meditate and seek enlightenment.
We cannot find it, we must allow it to happen.
Our mind wants to find it, even our ego does too.
But only on its terms and not that of the universe.
The ego sees it as something separate from us, but not within us.
Most religions take great pride in saying they have found it and they can give it to us.
They cannot.
No one can give it to us, we must discover it within us when the time is right.
The soil must be prepared for the planting and growth of the crops.
Not until the mind and ego are completely frustrated and we are consciously naked and bare can our soul reveal it to us.
Only through the pains of humility do we come to know.
Robert.